Oct. 7th 2023

testing, testing… trying to see if this journal is going to suit me for my trip. Or maybe it’s too itty-bitty. This is a practice run, cause I’m hoping to be riding a lot.
right now, I’m exhausted to the point of near-frustration. My stomach really hurt hurts, and I only slept for five hours last night. – I’m too tired to do anything,, even meditate, it seems. My hurt stomach is distracting. I feel nearly anxious because of it. I haven’t eaten anything in three days. I bought a burger anyways, and I scarfed it down about an hour and a half ago. Bad move. Really bad move.

I’m slightly frustrated also cause I was trying to wrap up writing about a meditation. I went back into today, but it was 10 hours ago that I had it. I could still finish describing it if I wanted to, but I wanted it to be fresh in my mind. But I can’t, I’m too exhausted.

even breathing right now feels like too much work. My eyes are awake but heavy. I really don’t wanna smoke tonight, so I’m not gonna. Which is CRAZY with a tummy ache. Also, my GERD is really bad… uhg. Maybe I should.
I was really thinking/hoping earlier I would meditate tonight. Just to see what I would see. – Jesus. I feel like there’s a big marble in my throat. It’s probably literally food. Omfg.