Hello friends and enemies.
It’s not that I suck at remembering to post, or the lack of motivation, it’s the lack of universal revelation lately. So I apologize for slacking on the posts. I’ve been a bit busy. From moving into my new house, bravely living off of cheese sticks and almond milk, paying around $300 in traffic tickets because I strongly believe that there is a world of difference between “reckless driving” and getting where I need to go in a timely manor, and alsooo: Experiencing my first ever camping experience.
Okay, so, am I outdoorsy? This is a question that still to this day has yet to have a set answer. My family was never one to go outside and just do stuff just to do it. Neither were any of my friends growing up. So, I haven’t had too many “outdoorsy” experiences. Like, shitting in the wilderness, starting a fire with my bare hands, gutting a seal and using it’s hide as a thermal wetsuit while swimming across icy arctic waters, or really anything that Bear Grylls has ever said or done. I didn’t have thermals and was afraid of getting cold, so I did the only logical thing, and brought a snowsuit. To the Utah desert.
It was a super short trip with just 5 people. One of which decided they were only going to join us for around 15 minutes and then decided they wanted to sleep in the car because he didn’t want to get his shoes dirty. So technically four. And a dog. Okay so 5. But the dog wouldn’t let me pet him… So, okay, 4. And so! There I was, actually not having the worst time, gazing into the majestic embers of the fire, glowing …from sweating buckets in my snowsuit. but also the fire.
And I had a Perks-Of-Being A-Wallflower-End-Scene-Moment. I just thought, well wowza-damn. I realized that this moment, this very second, these next few hours and all the ones prior of that day were an experience. Which, yeah, Karlee. Duh. But it was like… Woah. And hear me out! – It is so whack to me that everything we have ever done, will do, and will continue to go through will someday become ancient history. That when I think of my first camping experience, I’m going to picture this moment. With these people. This dog that wouldn’t let me love it. And my snowsuit. My first time I crashed my bike, the first time I threw up Wendy’s, my first kiss, the first time I could finally complete the Busta Rhymes verse of Look At Me Now, the fourth time I dropped my phone in the toilet, that one time where I did that really cool thing and no one saw, and the 100th time I listened to Africa by Toto.
These are all just fragments. It’s like when the sun hits through the window just right, and you see a million little dust particles all floating around like the stars would, or like fish do. And it was kind of amazing, but also kind of… sad? That right here, in this moment, this fire and these shitty hot dogs and this dog being so god-damn cute would only be significant to the people sharing this moment with me… right now. Yeah, I mean, we would tell people how it was… We could share photos and videos, we could write about it, preach it, graffiti it on the walls if we wanted to! But no one could truly understand. Never will it be as significant, or vivid, or crisp. Our pictures will become old photographs stored in the crusty cloud no one has the password for,, our stories will become twisted legends which will be cut down by our grandkids who share fun facts about their grandparents in short-worded sentences. ,, as they continue their own lives.
I don’t know, guys… I keep trying to think of how I can end this, but I’m gonna leave it up to you on how you wanna digest it. It could be sad, or fascinating, or inspiring, or fill you with existential dread. Could be all four. All I know, is that I try to live my life through moments. Which is very irresponsible and stressful, but also very fun. I never really have a set plan. I just ride the wave. Observe the particles, and realize that they’re still moving, even around my stillness. We need to stop stressing about how we keep stressing about the little things. We are the little things. We are functioning through tiny tiny little atoms and we are living through tiny, tiny little moments and words and sneezes and yawns and smiles at strangers
and campfires in snowsuits.
KARLEEANA 