There was a petite blonde haired girl in my 8th grade history class who never talked.
I always have to think really hard to remember her name.
Probably because no one ever said it.
And probably because she never spoke it.
I knew she could talk. She was just like the rest of us. I couldn’t tell if she was shy or sad or if her thoughts were just too big for her head and she saw the stars we wish we could and she just didn’t yet know how to take the bits and pieces of the galaxy of her mind and put them on the tip of her tongue. Maybe all she ever thought were curse words. I know I do that.
She was probably just shy, though.
And I hope she’s doing okay.
I think about her a lot for some weird reason.
So much, in fact, that I thought I’d write up this bad boy down below.
Sorry it’s a bit cheesy but this is my blog so if you don’t like it then TURN BACK NOW.
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I’ve heard the phrase “actions speak louder than words my whole life” – which, sure, I agree with. But I feel like it gives words a bad wrap. Words are powerful, too.
I don’t know about anyone else, but when I experience something amazing, like a film or a life-changing song, I want to share it with everybody I’ve ever come into contact with in my entire life. I want to share that emotion with someone else and see how it effects them.
But when I go through something bad, or sad, I try and never speak of it. I kind of bury it deep within myself. I feel every breath I take during this off-putting “winter” seems to get colder and colder. Until, eventually, somehow, I finally find the moment to exhale and let my breath kind of find it’s way back into the universe.
And though it’s getting warmer (which again, is very off-putting for January and very “the-world-is-ending-y”) and I can’t see my breath anymore, I almost physically feel a weight being taken off my shoulders just enough to leave some room to fill myself with the overwhelming feeling of the realization of how staggeringly incredible this life actually is. Finally, I’m able to feel what I’ve been denying the whole time.
Because if there could be any possibility that maybe we could just acknowledge how truly terrifying the world really is,
Then maybe we would stop being so… ignorant.
Maybe we would just stop ignoring all the bad
And burying it deep within the darkest corners and the black holes that are hidden in our own minds, or whatever.
I’ve realized that truth really is,
Acknowledging the bad doesn’t mean that we’re only focusing on the bad. Or discounting the good.
This world was meant to be inspected, torn apart, and thoroughly studied.
And it needs to be heard.
The world will destroy itself with tornadoes and hurricanes and tsunamis and earthquakes… but so will we.
We need to remember to take care of ourselves.
But unlike the universe, our suffering is more silent
Because we can’t find the words.
Or maybe we are just too scared to say them.
And so we kind of… suffer
We suffer through the storms that we kind of let take home inside of us
And it hurts like hell.
In order to understand all that there is to know we need to see every darkest pit and highest peak.
And chances are, we’ve been there.
But we don’t like to talk about it.
We are the people who fear connection
Because we forget…
We sometimes forget that there’s a feeling we get when we connect with someone.
When we understand them.
Get them.
When we listen to their words and hear exactly what we’ve been trying to say for years.
That single moment, the instant when we look straight into their eyes and realize…wait no.
This fear is the very fear that other people may just have these thoughts too…
That all of this is occurring within the minds of the people around us and nothing is changing. But we’re not alone.
We often look away from this fear, avoid all eye contact with the red-eyed beast, but we hear every word.
Or we look it straight in the eyes, but our ears have become mute.
And it is this very instance when we realize that the world can’t be “changed”.
The world is good and the world is bad and that’s the cold, hard truth.
But there’s something kind of fantastic about that, I think.
There’s something relieving in knowing that we can’t change the whole world.
We can change people and we can change moments, but;
We can’t change the world.
However since these very moments make up the world for the people around us,
We can change someone elses world.
All we need to do is speak.
And all we need to do is listen.
We are the humans who need to have each others backs.
Words are more powerful than we could ever imagine.
We don’t recognize this because we can never know when our words have affected somebody.
Again, we sometimes keep too much to ourselves.
We sit through all that is said, yet we stay within our constricting minds.
We would never speak up,
Never dare to tell somebody their impact on our lives.
Just incase they don’t care.
But it happens.
So I don’t know. Maybe we should share more, I guess. I think that was my point? Maybe we should appreciate more. To breathe in the cold air and let the freeze sting your teeth. Even though it may sound cringe and uncomfortable. The exhale is always warmer.
KARLEEANA 